It’s one thing to have a vision of your future self; it’s another to bring that vision to life. The process of becoming your authentic self is called ‘individuation’. As we individuate, we get a clear sense of the self separate from everyone else’s idea of us. Although it is seen as a crucial part of human development, especially during adolescence, you will see by the end of this article that it is actually a lifelong process of undoing and letting go of old versions of yourself. I hope this article will inspire you to penetrate the magnificent space of your uniqueness and all the things that make you - you! 

The individuation process can be challenging as it can cause you to confront things about yourself that may be at once pleasant and unpleasant, leading to turmoil and conflict for some people. It is difficult because it leads us to challenge the norms and question family dynamics and the lines of boundaries. Some people have even become aware of untreated mental illnesses, while some had to confront childhood traumas. Doing this type of work with the support of a trained therapist is therefore strongly recommended.

It also means looking deeply at what communication styles you have been exposed to and comparing them to how you would prefer to communicate. You may need to explore the expectations that have been embedded in you by your family and your community, as well as society in general. You can compare these expectations to what you actually want to do and what makes you happy.

There is nothing to be ashamed of here - your behavior, depression, and anxiety are simply there to alert you that you are living far from your authentic self.

Suppressing or denying the authentic self can however lead to distress and problems with self-identity. Here are some indications that you could benefit from individuation work: 

• You feel stuck and lack clarity about what you want

• You feel unsatisfied and even frustrated with your life

• You struggle with goal-setting and motivation

• You doubt your own decision-making skills

• You struggle to express yourself

• You have poor boundaries

• You have low self-worth

• You keep repeating old behavioral patterns, including risky behavior such as alcohol or substance abuse

• You feel like you are just like one of your parents

• You are afraid to be alone and resist independence

• You fear rejection

• Your mental health is suffering - you experience anxiety and/or depression

You should seek help if individuation is causing risky behaviors and if you are experiencing symptoms of a mental illness such as depression or anxiety. There is nothing to be ashamed of here - your behavior, depression, and anxiety are simply there to alert you that you are living far from your authentic self. The work will allow you to strip off layers of elements buried underneath your responsibilities and social roles, leading you to assert your own independent identity and establish a cohesive sense of self. It will help you face the fears you have about removing masks of conformity and stand the ground of your values and the essence of what makes you flourish. 

This does not mean that you abandon the way you were raised, the beliefs instilled in you. Nor do you have to fight or blame cultures and religions. What individuation really requires us to do, is to embrace the parts of us that we believe can contribute to a positive and happier version of us. It is not a betrayal but a choice for a healthier future. 

You will quickly learn that your future self is not this high and mighty image of perfection that you hope to achieve somewhere in the distant future.

Individuation helps you pave a beautiful path for your future true self, and it equips you to shift from unconscious behavior to conscious choices and actions. The more authentically you walk on this path, the clearer and less scary it becomes. You will quickly learn that your future self is not this high and mighty image of perfection that you hope to achieve somewhere in the distant future. Your future self is the true self that already lives inside of you. It wants to guide and support you to create a life that brings you the most joy, wholeness, and fulfillment. 

So ask your true self to tell you what limiting beliefs and insecurities stand in your way of becoming the best version of yourself. Then ask yourself if you could use a trusted guide to support you as you embark on your bold new journey.

Your authentic self is waiting for you on the other side of your fears. To help you get started, take action by booking a free 20 minute session with me before you lose your nerve. Other than that, you’ve got nothing to lose. Go ahead, BOOK NOW. It’s free.